Finding Light in the Dark
Why “Glimmers” Can Be a Lifeline
I am sharing this story because I want to show how small moments of joy—or what I now know as glimmers—can pull you out of the dark. Teaching this to children and young people is an essential life skill. Life will always throw challenges at us, and most people will experience periods of darkness. Having these small, internal tools to support you through those times can truly be a lifeline.
The Mental Health Crisis: Why This Matters Now
The mental health crisis among children (and adults too) is at a record high in England. NHS data from 2023 showed that urgent referrals for children and young people were significantly higher than in 2019, with reports indicating a more than threefold increase in some months compared to pre-pandemic figures.
The need for proactive tools is critical and we can help.
My Journey: Seeking Light After Loss
Trigger warning: Miscarriage
In August 2012 I was 16 weeks pregnant. It was our second attempt at IVF, and we had already lost a twin at nine weeks. That night, I miscarried our baby at home, which then led to emergency surgery because of significant blood loss. As you can imagine, the entire experience was deeply traumatic.
Losing a baby after 12 weeks is rare, occurring in less than 1% of pregnancies, so I was very unlucky. Through a post-mortem and further tests, I discovered I have a blood-clotting disorder, meaning that without treatment, I would likely never be able to carry a baby to full term.
The few days I spent in the hospital were haunting. It took extra support to process what happened. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was experiencing PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).
Hunting for Glimmers
Through all the grief and trauma, my partner and I actively searched for and held onto any source of light. At the time, we felt like we were piecing our lives back together, clinging to any shred of happiness—we even called these moments “stitches.” What I know now is that we were intuitively searching for glimmers.
What are Glimmers? Psychotherapist Deb Dana coined the term “glimmers” as the opposite of “triggers.” A trigger signals danger, putting your nervous system into a state of fight, flight, or freeze. A glimmer is a small, micro-moment that signals safety, peace, and connection to your nervous system. It’s the sound of rain, a hug from your child, the smell of coffee, or the sun on your face.
I began taking photos of everything that filled me with joy, light, or connected me back to my life.
I commissioned an artist to create a paper-cutting artwork out of all those moments. It hangs on my wall, shining bright—a reminder of our lost baby, Lilly, the strength she gave us to try again, and the healing journey my partner and I took together. This journey ultimately led to me gaining the strength to try IVF again, and today, I sit typing this with our two kids soundly sleeping in bed.
The Power of Practicing Glimmers
No matter how overwhelming the darkness may feel, seek out and hold onto the light. Look for glimmers, hold them tight, and breathe them in.
It’s these small, fleeting moments that, when noticed, will keep you grounded and allow hope to enter. Practicing this in your day-to-day life builds emotional resilience for when harder times may come.
A Simple Exercise for Parents:
If life feels overwhelming:
Stop Focusing on the Noise: Don’t let the arguments or frustration drag you down.
Actively Search for the Light: Think about the times they have genuinely connected—a shared laugh over a silly movie, a moment of teamwork, or a hug.
Focus on the Glimmer: Hold onto that small, positive moment. Focus on the feeling of connection it gives you; this will help you reset when the chaos feels too much.
Make it a habit to speak about glimmers with your children as you spot and feel them. Say, “That warm hug feels so safe,” “The way the dog runs across the field makes me feel so happy,” or “Listening to that song calms my whole body.” Sharing how these moments feel and deliberately focusing on them helps them make the same powerful mindset shift.
Give it a go—it could be the simplest, most powerful tool you give your child.
The tools we teach children, both in our 1-2-1 coaching, In the Wild, and our well-being workshops, focus on understanding feelings, developing an inner coach, processing helpful and unhelpful thoughts, and teaching them practical tools to be calm and confident when needed. Contact us for more information.
You are one very special person using your strength to help make the world a better place for others. A very moving article with such important learnings to share x x x
Such a powerful message. It says so much about you to share something so personal in order to help others. 🤍 I loved seeing those special pictures 🤍