Helping Your Child Feel Confident When Starting Senior School
As your child prepares to embark on the exciting, yet often daunting, journey to senior school, you might find yourself wondering how best to equip them for this significant transition.
It's a whole new world of hallways, teachers, friendships, and independence.
As parents, we're bursting with wisdom, right? But sometimes, our kids aren’t interested in listening! Even for those of us who coach hundreds of young people, our own children can at times be a bit closed off to the advice we offer them.
Through our work with countless young people (and our own kids), creating relaxed opportunities to chat is key. Remember, young brains are still developing. They might feel strong emotions but can't quite explain them. Take the pressure off those "big talks." Instead, spend some downtime together – maybe go for a walk, grab their favourite smoothie, or get creative with a craft. This often works way better than a full-on interrogation about how they're feeling, which can sometimes make kids shut down.
At Happy Confident Kids, we keep our sessions light and packed with activities. This makes it easier for young people to open up and soak up helpful life tips.
Here are a few more things you can do to support your child with transition:
Remind Them of Their Superpowers
One of the most helpful things you can do is to let your child know that you believe in them to absolutely nail senior school and whatever else life throws their way. A lovely, light-hearted way to do this is to chat about times they've already overcome challenges. You might even recall memories they've forgotten...
How to do it:
Just drop it into a casual conversation, like:
"You know, I saw this picture today. I took it after that time you were worried about something, but you totally smashed it!" Or,
"Remember when we went rock climbing? You were a bit wobbly at first, but then you powered all the way to the top – that was brilliant!"
Photos are fantastic for bringing back those good vibes, memories, and sparking conversations. Reminding them of how far they've come can be that little spark that helps them tap into their inner confidence and resilience.
Get Them Into the 'Now' Moment
It's easy to get lost in our thoughts, imagining all the things that could go wrong. When we do this, our body reacts as if it's actually happening – most of us have at some point experienced tummy aches or sweaty palms just from having those thoughts!
The best place to be is right here, right now. Coming back to the present moment helps calm your system and escape those unhelpful thoughts swirling around.
How do I help my child do this?
You can also do this with mindful activities like reading, drawing, crafting, playing, or, as we mentioned, getting out in to nature.
At Happy Confident Kids, we truly believe that no matter your age, finding time to play and unleashing that inner child can give your well-being a huge boost.
Break It Down (Chunk It!)
It's easy to feel overwhelmed by a long list of things to remember. When your kids feel like too much is on their plate, help them chunk things down, reminding them to just take one step at a time. Focusing on one moment at a time makes everything much easier and more manageable.
How to do it:
On the morning of a new school day, get them to focus on each step: first, getting up, then eating breakfast, focusing on that moment before the next. This uses those present-moment skills again.
Ex-Pro Footballer and Coventry Captain Carl Baker uses a '5-minute technique': when he was nervous before a match, he'd tell himself, "just do the first five mins and see how it goes." As soon as he started playing, he got into the moment, and BOOM, he was ready, nerves all gone.
Flip the Script: Focus on What You Want
Young people can often get stuck on what they don't want to feel – like, "I don't want to feel worried," or "I don't want to feel nervous." Help them shift their focus to what they do want to feel e.g “I want to feel confident”. When you know what you want, it's easier to figure out how to get that feeling and what will help you feel those desired emotions.
How to do it:
Kids often know how they want to feel. So, the best thing to do is simply ask them and empower them to come up with helpful solutions. Here are a few tools to help:
Be Their Calm Anchor
One of the best things you can do for your child in a world of change is to be their calm anchor. Young people are like sponges; they easily pick up on the feelings and emotions around them.
How to do it:
If you're super chill, they're more likely to be too. If they see good habits in you, they're more likely to adopt them. When you're relaxed, it also shows that you have confidence in them to overcome anything. Let them know you believe in them, always.
The Smartphone Question
Senior school is often when many parents consider getting their child a smartphone. As huge advocates for smartphone-free childhood, we'd love to see tighter regulations in schools to reduce the number of children with phones and ease the pressure on parents to buy them. I've seen first-hand the mental health issues that smartphones can create, not just for a few kids, but for so many.
My son is 11, at the end of year 6 and a few months ago, I decided to get him a "brick phone" – it can only call and text. It was his first phone, and it's been such a positive experience for us. He can now independently arrange meet-ups with friends, and even though many of his peers have smartphone his friends have totally adapted to texting him and he loves the fact that he has a retro phone!
Starting secondary school with confidence in yourself is a superpower, and the more we can empower kids to do this, the more they'll have great life experiences and feel happy and fulfilled. For advice on going smartphone-free, join us here.
As parents, it can feel overwhelming for us too when our kids move up to senior school, sometimes we too can get focused in on worries. This time last year, my son was finishing Year 6, and I found myself thinking about my own senior school experience, which wasn't exactly positive. I was really mindful of not passing on my own fears or experiences to him.
I'd love to go back a year and show him (and myself!) just how far he's come. It's incredible how much he's grown and what a positive experience school has been, and continues to be, for him. I am so incredibly proud of him.
I hope your experience is as positive as ours! But just in case there are any bumps in the road and you need support, please reach out, we can help. And always remember to look out for and focus on the glimmers* – those tiny moments of joy.
What's one thing you're most excited about for your child starting senior school?