How to teach kids about resilience...
Two-step approach to find inner strength
As a Kids’ Confidence Coach, I often work with kids who feel stuck in tough situations, unable to see a way through or an end in sight. We all want our children to have resilience—that inner ability to bounce back—the good news? We can help them to tap into their own power by using visualisation...
Teaching Resilience Kids When They Are Stuck
We’d all love to shield our kids from every uncomfortable moment, but life doesn’t work that way. Experiencing—and successfully navigating—challenges is exactly how a child builds self-belief and grows their inner strength.
To help a child understand this process, we can help them gain perspective by helping them to step out of worried thoughts and instead relate to something powerful.
I recently worked with a client whose young child was having a really rough time while in the hospital. He was naturally feeling sad and defeated, his mum reached out looking for a simple way to help him to feel stronger.
Here is the two-step approach we used to help him find his inner strength:
1. Start with “I can see how that would feel”
Before you try to support, first acknowledge feelings. For example; “I can see how it sucks being in the hospital and that you don’t want to be here.”
Always avoid dismissing a child’s big feelings with a quick, “Just cheer up” or “You’ll be fine”, acknowledging their feelings no matter how big or small is the absolute starting point for all emotional progress.
2. Shift their focus from stuck to potential
Next, help shift their focus from stuck to their potential power. Since this client loves tractors and farming, I used that as our powerful image for resilience.
I told him…
“Imagine yourself as a tractor. Tractors power through the toughest terrain to do their job. Driving through thick, gooey mud they work in harsh conditions like snow, ice, and pouring rain.
A tractor doesn’t stop. It just powers through, moving forward slowly but surely, no matter how messy or difficult the work is. It keeps going.
When a tractor finishes its job, amazing things happen—crops can grow, and the land is ready for new life. Without the tractor pushing through the mud, new things couldn’t flourish.”
I asked my young client to see himself like that tractor in the hospital: even though it was hard, he had the power to come through it and know that better days were coming once the tough job was done.
Clarity of Stepping Outside Yourself
The client’s mom later messaged me saying, “You really, really made him smile.”
This simple technique gave him a concrete image for his own strength, he could relate to. I have since had another message telling me that he is doing really well now and is feeling much better, he has even been coaching his mum, with the tools we have been using.
Our brains are wired to look for danger and we can get stuck and focus so intently on the problem right in front of us, rather than seeing the way through. When we teach our children how to step out of worry and imagine themselves as something powerful, they gain the perspective they need and become better at seeing a way through.
Suddenly the road ahead seems a lot clearer.
What is an image or story your child loves that you could use to talk about resilience?