Preparing Kids (and Us) for Exam Results: It's All a Stepping Stone
The air is thick with anticipation, isn't it? As exam results loom, it's natural for both our kids and us to feel a mix of nerves and excitement.
But here's the powerful truth: once those exams are sat, the results are pre-determined. They're not a final destination; they’re simply a stepping stone on an incredibly unique and unfolding path.
To truly grasp what exam results mean, I often find myself thinking about what I’d tell my younger self. It’s a wonderful way to quantify their impact – or, more accurately, their lack of defining us. This is what I’d write to me, all those years ago…
Dear Younger Self,
I'm sitting here thinking about our life and how we got where we are now, all the twists, turns, and bumps in the road that have led to this happy place.
I’m now a parent to two incredible children, in a long-term relationship, and doing a job I absolutely love. I'm running a business dedicated to building children's confidence and resilience, coupled with helping them connect with nature and learn vital well-being techniques. It truly feels like every aspect of my life has led me to this very point.
I just wanted to check in and tell you that it will all be okay. No matter what you're feeling now, or the challenges you face, you have the resilience and tenacity to take on anything.
There will be points in your life where you might feel like you've failed, or that you're not good enough. Those moments will not define you; instead, they will give you the means to move forward, stronger and more resilient than before. They will teach you skills you won't expect and lead you to become someone who is a leader, fights for others, is patient, and has great empathy.
If right now you're staring down at your A-Level exam results, with the poor grades you knew were coming, know this one thing – this day will not define who you are. Better things will come; brighter days, happier days, days where you will feel truly valued, clever, and fulfilled.
You didn't have the support you needed for success at that time, on top of being in a system that didn't work for you and studying topics you didn't enjoy – it was a recipe for disaster. But you will take charge of what happens next. You will grow and learn from every setback you face.
You will go on to build an amazing life with your partner and, through adversity, create two incredible humans.
We're still a work in progress, still driving down the path, managing the twists, turns, and bumps in the road with our head held high.
I love you. Miranda x
Whatever the result – good or not what was hoped for – if we can empower young people to take charge of their lives, set their own destination, watch for bumps in the road, and re-route where needed, they will find a way. Confidence and resilience are two key life skills that can set us up for success, no matter what challenges life throws our way.
Top Tips for Supporting Kids (and You) Around Exam Results:
Celebrate the Journey: Before the results even land, take time out together as a family to celebrate simply getting to this point. Acknowledge their hard work and whatever comes next.
Stay Calm and Confident: Your young person will feed off your emotions. Your calm presence can be their anchor.
Create a Stable Support System: Move away from any drama that can swirl around exam time. Focus on creating a reassuring environment.
Comparison Isn't Useful: Every child's journey and results are unique.
The Words We Use Matter: Instead of saying, "Don't worry," try "You've got this." Using the word "worry" can actually tell our brain to worry.
Prepare for Realities: Help your kids prepare for success, but also be realistic. If preparation hasn't been ideal, be prepared for results that might not be what you or they initially hoped for.
Empathise with Their Experience: Share a time when you faced challenges where things didn't go as planned, but you found a way through. It helps them feel less alone.
Talk About Expectations: This can help set the scene for everyone. Understand what they consider "good" to look like. For example, you might be expecting a B, when they know it's likely a C, which they're perfectly happy with.
Give Space and Time: They might need this to process the outcome. They might not want to talk about it or analyse it initially, and that’s okay.
Listen Actively: When your young person is ready, be there to listen and support where needed. Be open to the path they want to take, even if it's different from what you envisioned.
Above All Else – Have Fun: Blow out the cobwebs, connect in nature, hug, bake cakes, and just be. Reconnect as a family beyond the pressure of results.
If the results mean your young person can't get into the college, university, or on the career path they (or you) initially wanted, then support them to find alternative paths. If they want or need to resit exams, help them find the confidence for this and build inner trust that they can do it and they will find a way through.
If your child or young person’s confidence or resilience is affected by exam results, please contact us at hello@happyconfidentkids.com to find out about our 1-2-1 or group coaching sessions.